HERE TO OBEY sarah mama'S COMMAND... WELL WE'RE SUPPOSED TO SHARE ABT OUR SOLITUDE W GOD RITE.. HERE GOES..
(shall stop using caps.. it makes me giddy.. im sure u too)
Fri nite sarah said smth abt God doing a work of transformation in each of our lives this year.. when she said tt, i felt a tugging in my heart.. and im sure its from the holy spirit. A question suddenly struck my mind.. have i allowed God to transform me so far (i mean this yr)? and i found tt i couldnt say yes to it.
The nxt morning (solitude time) , God spoke to me very strongly.. i wanted to settle things out w God cos i knew smth was wrong la.. when i couldnt say yes to tt qns. I jus sat at the rock and waited for God to spk. Looking out into the sky, HE suddenly spoke.. "you've been running the race without me".. tt really left a BIG impact on me.. cos its true. and i jus sat there crying for a while, reflecting on where ive been heading without God. Honestly, this yr is quite a different yr for me.. i feel tt im quite spiritually challenged this yr.. i find it harder to connect to God.. or to even put Him as a priority.
I duno if everyone goes thru the same thing, but when i just accepted Christ i was really desiring Him so much, but as time passed by.. tt desire faded.. i meant especially this yr.. tho i still attend svc, go for congre n 288 meetings n stuff.. but there were times when i felt as if im heading nowhere..
Anw, sidetrack a bit. There was once at home, these thoughts suddenly hit my mind.. "is God really real?" "what if He's not?""what's wrong with a world where human rules?" "what if i were to leave a life without God? i would not have so much restrictions, i wouldnt be so tied down by the commitment, it would be so carefree.." For a short moment i really believed in it, believed that there isnt any God.. But then another conflicting thought came, which obviously was from the holy spirit.. cos i started reflecting on how real God is in my life.. and i realized how scary those neg thoughts were.. i didnt expect the evil one to be able to attack me jus like tt.. from then on i prayed abt it all the time, tt my mind be protected.
And back to point.. tt morning i could just feel God asking me to run back to Him, just like how i've simply trusted Him in the past with the child-like faith i once had. Btw, alot of times when i felt God's presence strongest is during touchkidz, those kids taught me what child-like faith means (so camy n janelle.. kids arent tt bad okay!!) And i just spent some time repenting before God.. cos there are times when i depended alot on myself n forgot abt Him plus i have to confess tt for the past 2 or 3 mths i read the bible like at most 5 times? i did pray to God everyday la.. but i didnt spend quality time w Him.. tt is my regret.. 6 mths gone jus like tt. But nvm.. it isnt too late to start spending time w Him daily again. Ahahh.. for those of u may not spend tt much time w God at home too, i think u better do. I guess its because i rarely read Hid words that He doesnt spk much to me, thus making it harder for me to connect to Him and easier to wander.. especially when u start to feel like whatever u r doing is purposeless, the best solution ultimately is to come back to God..
Another thing God spoke to me is the miracle catch, cos i seem to be forgetting it all the time:p Anw, as i opened my bible, the first thing i saw was the miracle catch card.. read the verse on it (very long, lazy type) i duno what God meant by deep sea, but the sea looked boundless to me.. for those of u who may think u do not have much frens to invite, open ur both eyes bigger O.O ..im sure there are more than enough for us to invite. And because God asks us to let down the nets, we can be assured that we'll get many fishes!
haha. but actually i was quite dissappointed w the response when we gathered tt nite to call our frens.. i referred back to God's promise and asked y didnt i get many fishes??maybe only 3 are coming (those tt accepted Christ during TGIF) and i dont have non christian coming. congrats to u who got gd responses. Was talking to camy tt nite, she was qte dissapointed w her fren's response too. I really duno y leh.. actually it has been bugging me till now, isit because i dont have enough faith?? but i have called many many ppl.. and all rejected immediately. i dont really expect such great result since its so last min.. but i dont even have 1 non christian coming! sob sob. but its not yet 25th.. so still got hope.. hahaha.. but no matter how many ppl i bring on tt day, i will still accept it la.. just tt next time i shall not do it so last min anymore ;p
This is my 2nd post can u believe it! haha. obviously can.. from someone like me.. and i think i talked too much ..ur eyes mus be hurting after reading my post... whahaha.. alrites. im so sleepy.. but hey, i really enjoyed the starchy retreat! haha. Before gg to slp...
CAMP COMMANDANTRESSES... I SALUTE U!
Command: "Hormat Camp Commandantesses... Hor-MAT!"
(check, up, 2, 3, 4, down!)
Nites Babes!
posted by Wina @ 2:57 AM
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